So I Have An Internship... Now What?

Ahh, summer vacation. The greatest 3.5 months of the year, right? School's out, the weather's nice - this is what we've all been waiting for all of last summer, right? Ehh, not in every case.

I've just finished my junior year and I have an internship, albeit part-time, at an advertising agency. This is what I wanted. This was the plan.

I've spent the last nine summers of my life at a sleep away camp. I lived for the summers. I was a camper there for 4 years, a waiter, and then "worked" there as staff for the last four summers. I surround the word worked with quotation marks because I believe in order to technically be working, you in turn get paid for the work. Technically some small sum of money did exchange hands in my favor, but the amount could hardly be deemed fair payment for my services.

Besides, most if not all of the money that I was to be paid over the summers were spent primarily on booze at Legends, the crappy hole-in-the-wall bar up by Camp Monroe. But it was our crappy hole-in-the-wall bar, and it was amazing. They served us, despite the fact that more of us were under 21 than over.

Spending the past nine summers away from home, I cut a lot of ties around here on Long Island. And now, for the first time since 1998, I'll be spending the entire summer on Long Island.

Before I even started college, I planned to return to Monroe up until last summer - figuring I wouldn't really need an internship until the summer after my Junior year of college. So now, Junior year has come and gone, and despite unnecessarily sweating out the internship that I unknowingly had ever since mid-March, I can breath a sigh of relief. I am not a sorry excuse waste-of-life college bum.

I am an intern.

Again, a part-time intern. Nonetheless, I have an internship at an advertising agency. Pretty legit, eh?

For two days a week until my Senior year starts up at good ol' Syracuse University, I'll be learning the crafts of my trade that'll hopefully help land me a job in 12 months, that hopefully won't make me want to pluck my eyeballs out with a fork.

So the other five days a week... well, let's just say that so far my summer has been a tad more dormant than I'd imagined. And although I'm starting my search much later than I should have, it is time...

I need a summer job.

I already have the internship that'll do something for my eventual career... That's the plan, at least - otherwise it's "Hello, Devry!" (No that's not funny, that's scary.) But now I really need to make some money. Otherwise, there's no reason I couldn't return to Camp - and that can't happen.

Thank God the list of respectable summer jobs for college students is endless!! Oh wait, no - that's an entirely false statement. So now it is the beginning of June, and I have been home for almost an entire month. In no specific order, it's time to examine possible summer job opportunities.

Waiter: In theory I wouldn't mind doing this. I enjoy people, so long as they don't suck. Which can be taken as both a universal and/or contradictory statement. But I mean it, I'm a people person. I enjoy the atmosphere of a lively restaurant chain more than most, probably. But when it comes to people who suck, and reminder, I live on Long Island, so like... a carefully calculated 62% of people here fall in to that category. Also, although it was an entirely different set-up, my summer spent as a waiter in the sleep away camp setting was anything but a success. I can be clumsy at times, and that's putting it politely. So maybe that experience will drive me away from doing that.

Bartender: I've always wanted to be a bartender. I think it would be so cool to work at a buzzing local bar, but again: Long Island. Guidos, bitchy japs driving around on their daddy's money and all around shitty people ain't my bag, baby. Plus, I'd have to spend $2-300 getting my bartender's license, and then honestly... who wants to hire an unexperienced 20-year-old male as a bartender? I could get a job if I had long blonde hair and a nice rack, or experience behind a bar, either one really. But realistically, no. Plus, the whole clumsy factor.

Temp Agency: I really wanted to steer away from this. Not wanting to do secretarial bullshit work is the reason why I became an advertising major - in hopes that I'd be able to something creative with my life and actually enjoy getting up and going to work in the mornings. Although this is the most realistic, probable and possibly profitable choice, I'll save this one for later.

Fast-food: All I can think of is my days working at Marshall's my senior year of high school. Making minimum wage and having to accept customers talk to you like you're a complete idiot isn't as glamorous as it sounds. Hey, Lady! You're the one spending 3 nights a week at Marshall's carefully setting up a scheme to swap SALE stickers on other merchandise, all so you can save $4.99 on a shitty shirt. Then when you get caught, because it's pretty easy to tell, I'm forced to receive and accept your tongue-lashing because I'm working behind the counter? I was 17, who's gonna give a high school kid, no matter how smart they are, a real job? Anyway, I'd rather not relive those minimum wage memories so I can actually utter the words "Would you like fries with that?" to the scum I went to high school with. I'll pass.

The Internet is your friend: I could sell shit online, or find those abstract, odd, yet reliable ways to make money online doing different things (no not porn, don't worry, even I wouldn't wanna see that). I recently came across a site where I can make money for sending in my ideas or writings. But if I'm gonna write something, it's not gonna be so I can sign my rights away and make $100 while this company turns it into a book. Maybe I can stumble across focus groups or lend my body to science experiments. One friend, who shall remain nameless, came across an ad on Craigslist that they responded to. Said person got paid $500 to go over to some old man's house and pee on him as the old guy laid in a bathtub. I don't think I'll be going in that route.

Jones Beach: I just thought of working concerts at Jones Beach. I have cousins that did it years ago, and they hated it. But I'd like to think I wouldn't mind it all so much. I'd get to (sort of) hear (yet definitely not see) concerts (from bands that I will most likely not want to listen to at all). Maybe not work concerts, but doing something else at the beach. Or some other beach. A cabana boy? I could definitely make some coinage that way.

I'm not sure how big the market is out there for employers with fun summer job opportunities still looking, specifically for people who can work only Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays. I was kind of hoping writing this would help me figure out what I'll do, but really I'm no closer than I was when I started.

I thought I'd be able to pass out floating around in my pool, listening to some good tunes all summer. Isn't there any way I can get paid for that?

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, I'm also actually hoping for a surgery this summer that would in effect put a halt to my internship and whatever job I do or do not land. So I'm sure by the time I figure out how I'm going to make my millions over the next few months, Surgery #5 of my life would be more than a minor roadblock. Ain't doctors fun?

Do People Actually Like Sex and the City?

Really, what's the big deal with Sex and the City? What's so great about it? I just don't get it.

Maybe it's because I'm a guy?... a straight guy?... a 20 year-old straight guy?

I don't know, I just don't get the obsession with the show. What exactly do people like about the show? The common answers, thanks to our amazingly credible, talented and meaningful news broadcasts who devote their time to obviously worthwhile news stories: Strong female characters, their friendships, New York City, female sexuality and witty dialogue.

This coming from our amazing mass media that would rather spend more time on Paris Hilton than Darfur, and devote more airtime on Tom Cruise than what's really going on in Iraq.

I suppose the show has it's moments where the writers get lucky and allow someone to say something that actually is funny, but witty banter? Come on... there's more highlights from speeches from our President.

Yeah, I get it - one of them really, really loves shoes; another one of 'em likes to get drilled and make sex jokes. Women taking control of their own sexuality by saying the word "vagina" and making penis jokes - talented and empowering, eh?

I know the show definitely does have its strong following of fans, but what's with the media's obsession with the show and its characters? It doesn't represent New York as it really is, and they are simply characters. What is with the news broadcasts making such a big deal about this movie as if it's the biggest movie of the year?

Is it because it's New York media, that people in the New York area feel a connection on another level? You know, because it's so rare for TV shows and movies to take place in New York City. But hell, I've never seen a minute of 24 or Lost, and I'm sickened by the popularity of American Idol and Grey's Anatomy, so obviously I'm not exactly the target audience for Sex and the City, either.

Why does Sarah Jessica Parker get so much credit? People have a hard time separating actors from the characters they portray. Frankly, if she was really like her character in the show, wouldn't that be one of the most annoying/irritating people to deal with on a daily basis?

She's listed as an executive producer for half the series. And I hate to break it to you fans but this actually does not mean a whole lot much. It's not as if the characters, the ideas, the story lines are her brainchild. Executive producer is a vague title.

A producer can simply be the main financier, or, from wikipedia, "Sometimes, this title is conferred upon a celebrity or notable creator who has lent their name to a project to boost its prestige or credibility, as a recognition of newly-acquired industry status, or as a perk to the show's main star." And she never claimed to be more than she is.

But many fans credit her portrayal of her character as being their saving grace, their hope that somewhere out there (preferably in New York City, because they're moving there to be like Carrie) is a man who is 'perfect' [yet willing to put up with their shit and actually be with them].

Peter Griffin said it best: "They let Sarah Jessica Parker on TV and she looks like a foot!"

My only problem with Sarah Jessica Parker is that she's married to Matthew Broderick. When Ferris Bueller's Day Off quickly became my favorite movie at an early age I guess I kinda hopes he was gonna be with his girlfriend from the movie. At least she doesn't look like a foot.

It's no doubt that the biggest allure to female fans is that the main characters are female. That the show is about four women and their friendships and the way they take control of and talk about their sexuality. And yes, the gay best friend that's a given. So it's not as if this movie has a universal audience - why does the media portray this as 'thee' movie America has been waiting for?

And I'm sure it's going to do very well at the box office. How will it compare to Indiana Jones' opening weekend's Friday-Sunday take, well, I have my opinions but only time will tell.

I just think it's over-rated. I can't blame the actresses for the show/movie's success, it's not their fault. They should be commended for and given credit for their work. I just don't get the frantic obsession with it all. Kim Catrell likes getting naked and gets to say the most sexually explicit lines - so? When guys do this on TV shows and movies, it's considered a bad thing.

To men out there who will be forced to see this movie with their wives/girlfriends and unfortunately inflate Sex and the City's inevitable large box-office take, I apologize to you. And for those of you [women] who think Sarah Jessica Parker is beautiful,look at her old lady hands.

I couldn't find a picture of her as a foot from the Family Guy episode. Hopefully I'll come across it.

And not that I see this happening, but should Indiana Jones' second week box-office draw be larger than Sex and the City's this weekend, well, wouldn't that be something?

Theta Chi: Not Just My Fraternity, Drug Ring Specialists

A little over a year ago, I became a member of the Theta Chi Fraternity at Syracuse. A little over a week ago, news broke out that the Theta Chi chapter in San Diego State University was involved in a serious drug ring. 75 students got busted in a months long undercover operation by police known as Operation Sudden Fall.

Oh Theta Chi, how proud I am of my national fraternity. Actually, that's not true... nor is it false, really. See, I don't care so much about my fraternity in the national sense. I'm no exactly all about it in a national sense. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud to be a member - of MY house.

Our motto is supposed to be 'lend a helping hand.' I didn't join the house to do community service. And as awful as that might sound, that doesn't mean that I'm against helping causes. But seriously, I didn't go through pledging so that one day, hopefully, I can become a Big Brother to someone who needs one, or fund raise for a local diabetes organization.

I joined the house because they seemed like cool guys. I love living in the house and doing shit with the guys, and we're proud of the house on our campus - in the sense that it represents us. Not the whole national hullabaloo.

Nationall, all our house are supposed to be alcohol-freeThe house is also supposed to be alcohol-free, according to Theta Chi Nationally. How much would that suck? Seriously.

I don't read the news about the SDSU chapter and think "Oh no, our national reputation is soiled! I'm so embarrassed for my fraternity as a national organization." Fuck that. I think it's funny.

It's funny that they got caught. 96 people were arrested; 75 of them SDSU students. A total of six fraternities were suspended, yet Theta Chi seems to be the only name thrown around. Police seized "two kilos of cocaine, 350 ecstasy pills, a lot of marijuana, psychedelic mushrooms, hash oil, methamphetamine, illicit prescription drugs, several guns and at least $60,000 in cash."

Those dumb idiots sent out a mass text message to hundreds of past clients telling them that they were in Vegas or the weekend, they'd be back to sell them coke and listed the prices. They got caught; that's funny stuff.

Come to think of it, we could use a little money ourselves... maybe a smaller drug ring wouldn't be such a bad idea?

Oh Theta Chi, good job boys.

A-Rod's Performance Is Consistent On & Off The Field: He's A Bitch

A very interesting piece of news is beginning to circulate. Apparently in 2004 during the birth of his first child, A-Rod's performance in the delivery room was so substandard that nurses were turning their attention away from his wife towards him.

November 18, 2004 was the date.

"“The one nurse had a cold cloth on his head. The other nurse had the blood pressure on his arm. And my mother was like rubbing his back. And he is passed out on a couch. And I am there, in the middle of labor,” said his wife. “And really, I am not being paid much attention to besides the doctor and a couple of nurses,” she said. “And he is there moaning. In between pushing, I am going, ‘Honey, are you OK?’ and ‘Are you breathing? Are you OK?’... In the middle of the night, I realized that I needed to go to the hospital. I wake him up. The first thing that comes out of his mouth, ‘Can we call your mother?’

I mean, I didn't really have respect for the guy before this, but now? PSH. Perhaps if the kid was born in May instead of the fall, his performance would've been better. A month after playing a pivotal role in the biggest collapse in baseball history when the Yankees blew a 3 game lead and allowed the Red Sox to take the series and become World Series Champions, A-Rod's autumn performances consistently stunk.

So again, as the leaves turn brown and begin to fall from the trees, the A-Rod that people know from April to September flips a 180, as does his performance. Boy, the richest man in baseball who people deem inaccurately as the best in the game just cannot get it done when it counts. Due to his lack of production, you'd probably think artificial insemination. But since the baby was born in November, that would make it February/March, when he can perform.

I just find it so incredibly funny that this story came out. As if he wasn't already fielding enough shots to his character and performance, does he really need his wife saying this on the YES Network?

How The Big Lebowski Made Me Want To Be A Better Jew, & The Only Bad Thing About The Movie

"3,000 Years of Beautiful Tradition from Moses to Sandy Koufax
YOU'RE GOD DAMN RIGHT I'M FUCKING LIVING IN THE PAST!"

Ah yes, the universal inspiration for all us Long Island Jews that just aren't that religious. And by Long Island Jew, I mean that I went to a Jewish sleep-away camp for the last decade of my life. There, I always wished I was more... Jewish. Yet by the time I got home and school started, I cared just as much as I did before I left for the summer.

Though it might be sad that it took Walter Sobchak (John Goodman) from The Big Lebowski for me to finally see the light - as long as it happens, right? The aforementioned quote really got me thinking. Jews are always talking about their past, and things that happened throughout their history. Yet I guess we have good reason to.

Yes, I say "we" because although I'm not extremely religious, I definitely consider myself Jewish, and proud of it. After all, we have Moses and Sandy Koufax on our side.

I don't want to harp on the subject in a preaching manner; that is not my intention. I just found it interesting that such an inspiration quote can come from such an odd source.

"Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't get in a car, I don't pick up the phone, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don't fucking roll! Shomer Shabbos! Shomer fuckin' Shabbos!"

One last thing to note about The Big Lebowski... there is by my count one, and only one, very very bad thing about the movie. The scene where the Dude, Walter and Donny leave the bowling alley only to find that the Dude's car is not there spawned the 83 minute waste of time, energy and resources known as Dude, Where's My Car? (2000). As Walter uttered those five fateful words, "Dude... where is your car?" - Some schmuck named Philip Stark got the inspiration to write a script that turned into that awful movie. It wasn't your fault Lebowski, but it is still a shame.

Fred Durst Was the Secret to the Yankees' Success

In the late 90s, some very terrible things happened that shook the very foundation of America.

The Yankees won the World Series three years in a row, from 1998 - 2000.

Limp Bizkit, led by front man Fred Durst, rocked the music charts during the same time period, what I like to call the "Middle School Years."

Is it a coincidence? I think not. Fred Durst and this red cap were inseparable. Unfortunately, many of us are all to familiar with the logo that's on the front of the hat (back of his head, because to wear a baseball hat forward, you know, the way it should be worn, would be too awful for Mr. Durst). Fred Durst always wore that red Yankees cap. The two images were inseparable.

It is my theory that the reason behind the Yankees success in the late 90s had very much to do with Fred Durst. I think the best way to prove this theory is to look at their simultaneous downfalls. Their breakthrough single, "Faith," was the driving force behind Three Dollar Bill, Yall$ peaking at #22 on the BIllboard Charts in 1998. Durst "did it all for the Nookie" in 1999, and had several unfortunately successful singles thanks to TRL and Carson "Whitest Guy In The Room" Daly over the next couple of years.

In 2001, Limp Bizkit released Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavored Water - classy, ain't they? This was a last ditch effort to show that they had any talent. Their lone successful single off this album, "Rollin" was known more for being the entrance song for The Undertaker (a dark period in his wrestling career) than anything else.

From 1998 until somewhere in the middle of 2001, Limp Bizkit were, in the media sense, on top of the world. People actually bought their music, enjoyed listening to them play, and liked seeing them appear on TV.

From 1998 until somewhere in the middle of 2001 was also the time period of the Yankees success. They swept the Padres in 1998, after having a remarkable 114 win season. In '99, they again swept the World Series, this time denying the Braves yet again the chance to raise a banner other than NL Champs. In 2000, George Steinbrenner paid Armando Benitez to blow game after game, and won a hard fought series against the Mets 4-1. In the 2001 World Series, after being down 2 games to None, the Yankees pounded away on Byung-Hyun Kim who mysteriously blew up in the playoffs after having a brilliant season. After taking a 3 games to 2 lead, the Arizona Diamondbacks raped them in game 6 forcing a game 7. The Yankees had the lead going in to the 9th inning, before one of the happier moments during my time in 9th grade - Mariano Rivera blew it and the Diamondbacks were World Series Champs.

Ever since then, the Yankees have not had success in the form of their ultimate goal that they feel they are entitled to each year, a World Series championship. In September 23, 2003 - Limp Bizkit released an album Results May Vary. A month later, the Yankees, whose results usually bring home a World Series Championship, lost the World Series to the Florida Marlins. The results surely varied there for them. They have not made it to the World Series ever since. Results May Vary garnered negative reviews and low-sales for Limp Bizkit, and they have more or less disappeared ever since.

I think I make fairly strong case linking the two together - Fred Durst was responsible for the Yankees success. now some of you may be wondering, Well yes, I see the time comparisons. But how does that mean Fred Durst was responsible for the Yankees run? Excellent question, little one.

It wasn't "Fred Durst" himself so much that was the reason for all this... It was his red Yankees cap. That stupid red Yankees cap that hid his balding head, he wore all the time. As he rose to fame and was all over the media, so was that stupid hat.

All my facts are true, you can Wikipedia them. And with the simultaneous rise to power, came the much happier and more celebrated (okay, by me) demise of both Fred Durst and the Yankees. The Fall of 2001 was the last sign of pure success for either party involved. As Durst faded away, so did his red Yankees cap - and so did the Yankees.

A certain someone challenged me, thinking that I wouldn't be able to write an essay on my recently founded theory of Fred Durst = Yankees Success. Well, more like said person probably figured I would never be so bored so soon as to actually write it. Well, classes are officially over until August 25 and before I start 'enjoying' the time off that is 'finals week' I thought I'd show the academic side of me.

For the past 7 years, we have been free of bad music (that's a lie, but as long as one horrible rap-metal band is no longer prosperous, it's a start) and are not inundated daily with the accomplishments of the Yankees (also a lie, unfortunately.) Well, at least I haven't had to watch them raise any Championship banners the past few years.

Fred Durst's stupid red Yankees cap was the driving force behind the Yankees success of the late 90s... well, that and the whole STEROIDS thing.

Tim Robbins Is My Hero

Tim Robbins may have just saved the future of television news broadcasting.

Okay, that's a tad drastic. But he has used his star power to urge those in charge to change the way they deliver "news."

"We don't need to look at the car crash; we don't need to live off of the pain and humiliation of the unfortunate; we don't need to celebrate our pornographic obsession with celebrity culture... We are better than that."

They thought they were going to have a keynote speaker who would serve them fluff about how wonderful they all are and how the internet and technology makes news available to people all over the world instantaneously. But Robbins said something that needed to be said.

News today is crap.

Especially television news broadcasts. Everything he said is right on. They show the rapes, the deadly car crashes, the tallish black male who killed a smallish white female, and what Paris Hilton, Michael Jackson and Tom Cruise have done in the past 24 hours.

I don't care that Oprah went to the bathroom twice while having lunch at the expensive yada-yada-yada, or that Lindsay Lohan spent $2,500 buying sunglasses for her pets.

There are things going on in the world, the country, and locally other than murders, crimes and tragic deaths. Why is there the need to only highlight these things? Is that really what brings in ratings? Is that what attracts advertisers?

The news is full of sensational stories that scares the average white suburban viewer, because, after all, aren't all the people sitting at home watching the news on their TV white and from the suburbs?

The journalist heroes that people talk about from decades past who have covered (or in some cases, uncovered) great political stories and got classic interviews - that's journalism. Journalists are supposed to provide the public with news of what is happening locally, state-wide, nation-wide and world-wide. Good and bad, and give them all the pertinent information.

The fact that the average American knows little to nothing about the situation in Darfur, yet they do know What Britney Spears' shirts say on a daily basis is disgusting. There is a genocide going on right now, and people don't know. Why? Because the people in charge of the media don't think that we care. Well, if we never hear about it in the first place, how can we even form an opinion on the subject matter?

Instead of relishing on the bloody images of a victim being carted away from a deadly 10-car-pile-up, present the news in a respectful matter.

Stop portraying certain people as criminals based on their income, location, skin color, clothes or accent. These people must have been forced to do real journalism through college, have they forgotten everything?

I'm not doing anything new by saying that there is a problem with the current state of the news. All I am trying to get across is the magnitude of what Tim Robbins did. He was granted a high honor, and used it to take a chance to speak to the National Association of Broadcasters to point out what is wrong with the news today.

So while Robbins will never be known for these remarks more so than for his performances in Bull Durham or The Shawshank Redemption (or his Award-snubbed performance in Tenacious D: Pic Of Destiny), this might be the most powerful thing Robbins has ever done.



Oh yeah, his speech, just like this post, ended with a standing ovation.